For many families around the world, dreams of the 鈥漡olden years鈥� change dramatically when plans are replaced with the need to parent a grandchild.
In B.C., it is conservatively estimated that more than 13,000 children and youth ages 0 to 19 are being raised by their grandparents or other relatives because the child鈥檚 parents are unable to raise the children. This is one of the findings of a 2020-21study funded by the The Victoria Foundation - Adoption and Permanency Fund of BC, and the Law Foundation of BC. Research was conducted in partnership with the University of Northern BC School of Social Work.
鈥淭his is known as kinship care and the numbers are growing,鈥� reads the executive summary. 鈥淚f not for their relatives stepping up, these children would often be in government care.鈥�
The journey back to parenting can be a rocky road indeed, something Salmon Arm resident Mary Scheidegger knows well.
Her grandchild came into her life seven years ago, totally changing the trajectory of her life. In a new relationship and happily entering the empty nest years, Scheidegger and her partner were anticipating downsizing and new adventures in travel.
鈥淲e had dreams, plans and visions and what we naturally assumed was going to be part of our world,鈥� she said. 鈥淭hat changed dramatically when our grandson was placed in our care as a newborn. We were in our fifties.鈥�
Scheidegger said there are many reasons why grandparents have to take on the role of parents, including addiction, incarceration, mental health issues or death.
Along with the stress of suddenly having to provide parental care on all fronts, many grandparents deal with isolation and the feeling of being judged and shamed by families, community or the school system.
鈥淏ut here鈥檚 the truth: This isn鈥檛 failure. This is courage. This is love. Choosing to step up, to provide stability and care when it鈥檚 needed most, is an act of strength, not weakness,鈥� she says. 鈥淥ur families may not look like the traditional picture (whose does?)... our paths may be unexpected, unconventional, but they are no less real, no less worthy, no less full of love.鈥�
Being familiar with the benefits of peer-to-peer counselling, Scheidegger began seeking appropriate support groups in Salmon Arm. Finding none, she took facilitator training and, with another kinship caregiver launched a local peer-to peer support group where members could share experiences, challenges and stories in a supportive and non-judgmental space.
The group was thriving and growing, friendships were being forged and support was meaningful. Then came Covid, and despite efforts to maintain relationships online, many grandparents continued providing care on their own.
Determined to help other grandparents in their journeys as parents and bowing to the growing encouragement to put her valuable information and insight into writing a book, Scheidegger set to the task at hand.
鈥淚 decided the most beneficial thing I could offer would be to build a community that is safe and away from nefarious activities on social media,鈥� she said. 鈥淢y book evolved into a blog, that evolved into a global membership community.鈥�
GrandFamily Connect is a global, membership community where grandparents raising their grandchildren find connection, support, and strength by sharing their stories and all the love, challenges and questions they face everyday.
Scheidegger described the website as a welcoming circle of support available 24/7, where grandparents can share their hearts openly, without judgment or filters.
鈥淚 want to be really clear here, I am facilitating the community that is 100 per cent by and for the members, and supported financially by the members,鈥� she said.
There are various options within the program, some of which are free, such as the Kitchen Table where members can find practical advice and heartfelt insights. Other options are available for a modest fee: the Back Porch weekly virtual meetups, workshops, or in person events on Zoom; Around the Hearth offers understanding and support for those who are grieving the loss of an adult child and a Workshop and Toolbox room where members are invited to learn, share, and build resilience skills.
The Party Room is a place where members can celebrate wins, post milestones, share photos, and lift each other up.
Here We Go Again is a place for grandparents whose grandchildren have experienced varying levels of trauma and often have complex and special needs. Here members can connect and chat with others parenting precious children with unique needs.
鈥淓veryday we break through any barriers by telling our stories, finding community, and supporting one another,鈥� said Sheidegger, maintaining that showing up, speaking out, and reminding the world is not a burden, it is an honour. 鈥淭his is all about building up an international community of those who may otherwise feel unseen, alone or lonely and have the very real need to connect with others that understand and offer support.鈥�
To join the group or for more information, go online to grandfam.net or drop Scheidegger a line at hello@grandfamilyworld.com. There's a completely free subscription, or you could take advantage of the "Full House" plan free trial period.
